Does Your Child Lack Confidence?

Does your child lack confidence?

If you have been around minor hockey for any length of time you have heard the word “confidence” thrown around like it was a magical fix-all that would correct any problems that any player may have.

“If only they were more confident…..”

“It’s their confidence that is holding them back.”

I’m going to suggest to you that confidence is just a by-product of a much more important trait, resilience.

You don’t acquire confidence by succeeding. You acquire it by failing over and over again until you get it right. Without resilience there is no confidence, just the illusion of it.

A player who is never put in a position that challenges them; that causes them to fail only has the illusion of confidence. When times get tough and things don’t go their way they have no experience to call upon. They don’t know how to push through the mistakes, to revel in them and get better. All they know is that something that once worked well, now doesn’t. Frustration sets in and the illusion of confidence shatters.

Resilience is the key. A player who is willing to fail 100 times to get it right will ultimately be confident. Creating resilience is hard work and that is why most players never acquire it. It’s easier to play on an iPad than to take 200 shots a night. Athletes without a clear plan (and many with a plan) will, like water, flow through the easiest course.

Players who are scared of making mistakes will never build resilience. Coaches and parents, the next time you have “the chat” with a young athlete instead of giving them the gears for making a mistake, praise them for it. Ask them what they learned and how they will improve on it next time. Open up the discussion and you will be amazed by the answers that they have.

“It was exciting to see you try that play / pass / move. It didn’t work out, but how would you make it better next time?”

I guarantee that this process works. Help the athlete find the space outside of their comfort zone, applaud the mistakes, talk about how they could be solved and watch the player soar.

The Truth or the Honey?

The Truth or the Honey? It’s more than a game.

One of the phrases that we use with our players, whether it be at a clinic, a camp or as part of the teams that we volunteer to coach is “Do you want the truth or do you want the honey?”

Every player likes to hear when they do something well and as coaches and parents we should latch on to those good things making 100% sure that we let the athlete know that a) we noticed and that b) we are proud of them. A positive experience is going to cultivate more positive experiences. The athlete is going to continue to improve, not because they are afraid of “getting it in the ear on the way home”, but because the rush of doing something well and having your parent experience it with you is something that they want to feel over and over again. Sharing good moments with the people you love is what life is about.

Focus on the good, but don’t ignore the bad.

Athletes want the truth as much as they need it. They want to know when they didn’t perform well.

If you only comments regarding their performance are ever “great game” or “good shift” then you are doing them a disservice. The honey is sweet for a short time, but how do they learn to overcome adversity, become resilient and grow if everything is always perfect? What happens when in the future they don’t do a great job and their boss tells them so? Will they have the tools to deal with the hurdles that life puts in their way?

Athletes rely on their coaches and their parents to give them the information that they need to improve. The truth helps them grow. It isn’t always positive, but it can be delivered in a positive way.

A good coach holds his or her players accountable. My team of 9 and 10-year old girls always wants the truth. They know that our coaching staff loves them and that telling them the truth isn’t being mean, it’s just the truth. We then ask them how as a team we will overcome our challenges. They come up with the answers, are invested in them and subsequently do amazing things.

Support the athletes. Ask good questions and let them come up with the solutions. Don’t just tell them what to do.

Encourage them. Latch on to the positive moments and ensure that you let the player know that you are proud of them.

Step back. Let them do their thing without constant guidance.

Remember, you don’t coach a sport. You coach a person. Let them embrace the process. You’re in this together.

The picture that is attached to this post is a team after a championship game. The medals around their necks are Lower Lakes Best of the Best Silver Medals. These are incredibly hard to win. Many of the girls are in tears, distraught, barely able to keep their composure at all. At first glance you might think that they were crying because they lost. Not so. They were crying because our season was over. Something incredible and wonderful had come to an end. They were devastated.

That guy crouched down in the middle of the circle is me, trying not to cry myself while I read out our motto one last time. The girls had read it themselves all year, but they asked me to do it for the final time. What an honour.

If you deliver the truth in a positive way your players will embrace it, invest in it and crave it. They know that you aren’t being hurtful. You are being helpful. They know that you care. They know that you want only the best for them. Those relationships don’t end with the season does. You form life-long ties with magnificent people who are going to do incredible things, perhaps in part because when they were young you took the time to tell them the truth in a positive light rather than taking the easy road and just giving them the honey.



Something that jumps out at you when you or your child attend one of our clinics or one of the practices for a team that our instructors coach is that the instructional time has a defined cadence.

Every instructor is a bit different, but in general the pace of the practice or session increases as it progresses.    We start with the explanation of the skills that we will be working on, demonstrate them and then inject the players into the program.

There is a constant flow (and this doesn’t necessarily mean flow drills) that keeps as many players engaged as possible while still trying to retain a proper work to rest ratio.     Even while at rest, the players are asked to be doing something from spinning pucks on their stick to analyzing the players who are moving through the challenge.    There is no time to goof around, turn off their brains and tone down from the pace we are setting.    Any player who has been part of our “gong show” drill can attest that you always need to be ready to go, even if you aren’t first in line.

This cadence or pace carries over to the next session, to games and in some cases to the players’ lives away from the rink.    Players show up to the rink (and to life) ready to go and ready to meet challenges.

Coaches, here are some things that I do that may or may not work for you.  I could talk about each point at length, but that…. would break the cadence.

  • Structure practice just like you structure a game.
    • If you want players at a game an hour early, then have them at practice an hour early and structure that time just like you would before a game.   This of course, means that you need to efficiently use that time.   Don’t waste everyone’s time by having the kids and parents at the rink early while the kids goof off in a dressing room for 45 minutes.   Make use of every minute.
  • Plan your practices, but don’t lock yourself in.
    • I spend hours planning what I want to teach and how I want to teach it, but as we all know, “No plan survives first contact…”
    • If your players are struggling with a drill perhaps they need more time on it or perhaps you haven’t properly explained it.   Jumping off to something else just because you planned it doesn’t make sense.  Give them the time they need to learn.
    • Don’t plan 10 drills in a 50 minute practice.   Nobody is getting anything out of that.   You spend as much time moving pucks as the kids do going through the drills.    Pick 3 drills, preferably ones that mix the skills that you are teaching together and do them right.
    • Theme your practices around one skill or one mixing of two or three skills.   Show the players how the pieces fit together, don’t just give them three skills and expect them to do it themselves.
    • What are the key teaching points?  If you don’t know then neither will your assistants and the kids will have zero clue what they are actually working on.
  • Explain “Why” you are teaching a skill and “Why” it is important to the player.
  • If you ask your players to work on their skills at home then you should be doing the same.  If you ask 30 minutes from them, then you need to put in double that.    If I have learned nothing else, it’s that the more I know the more I realize that I don’t know much.    Be a life-long learner.

Everything here will help you build out a practice or training session that has a cadence or rhythm that is conducive to learning.    Don’t be afraid to overload young athletes  with information, but be prepared to answer the questions that are sure to come.

Questions?  Just ask.




Transferable Skills

I had a great hockey conversation today about something I call “transferable skills” or skills that continue to bear fruit as the player progresses in age category and/or skill category (B to A to AA and beyond).

Make no mistake, everyone needs to work on skating, puck handling, shooting and the like, but is the skill being taught in a way that will benefit the player in the long term? In many cases the instructors are pressed to provide immediate improvements or short-term lightning bolts that will impress parents instantly.

The parents are pressed to find immediate results because without them their child won’t make the team. It’s a vicious circle.

It takes a confident, educated instructor and a patient, supportive parent group to break out of “what works now” and instead opt for true long-term development.

A player who is never taught how to be in a proper supportive position on the ice has no hope of ever playing hockey at a high level, no matter how fast they skate or how hard they shoot. This is why so many players who put up big numbers in the OHL never make it in the NHL. They understand the game from a singular, offensive position. Being able to find the position that is offensive, while at the same time defensively responsible is the transferable skill that they never developed.

There are dozens (probably hundreds) of these skills. The more a player has in their toolbox the more readily they can jump from level to level.

Coaches, I implore you, learn the correct techniques and put winning on the back-burner. Teach the game the way your charges will need to understand it when they move to the next level and not the way that wins you games at Novice.

Parents, give your coaches a chance to teach in the long-term.

Most importantly, players… when you are being taught, always ask “why”. Why are we doing it this way? Why do I move my hands that way? Why do I crossover? Why… why… why…

If you understand the “why”, you will know if it is something that will help you in the long-term. Don’t be upset if the instructor wants to explain it after you leave the ice. Ice time is expensive.

It’s easy to make players good or even great in the short term. It’s incredibly challenging to coax them through a long term program where they don’t see immediate results, but in this case, good things most certainly come to those who wait.

If you have questions, ask, PM, email. My door is always open.


Resilience Not Confidence

I was told last night that the players we are working with are very confident.

Confidence is something that you hear about at the rink all the time. “If only she were more confident then she could…..”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is backwards. Players aren’t able to perform a task because they are confident. Being confident doesn’t somehow teach them the mechanics of being able to skate well for instance. It’s quite the opposite. They are confident because not only can they do something well, but somebody is giving them positive reinforcement when they do.

The one defining factor that our long-term players share is that they are nearly fearless. They will try anything, full-out, falling down, losing the puck, popping back up and going at it again.

The fear of mistakes is almost gone. They know that the path to excellence isn’t paved with victory signs; it’s paved with resilience. On Tuesday night one of the young ladies in our program struggled immensely with one of our challenges. She worked through it, over and over and on Wednesday night…. she blew through it better than many Midget aged players could. For reference, she’s 10-years-old and she’s fearless.

Resilience and not confidence (in my opinion) is what makes a player great. Be fearless. Try something, over and over and over again until you can’t get it wrong. Work hard. Enjoy the journey and enjoy the success that being resilient provides.

Confidence is a by-product. Let’s focus on giving young athletes the encouragement they need to soldier through when things get tough. The results will amaze you.


Students Are Also Teachers

It was a fun, but incredibly tough night for the Boys’ Group last night. We were working on a skill-set that even entry-level pros struggle with and it became an out and out brawl between what the players’ minds wanted them to do and what their bodies were able to accomplish.

Hockey is about mixing skill-sets together. You learn a skill, learn another and then hopefully you have a coach who can show you how those skills fit together or better yet, the player comes up with their own unique way to mix the skills.

Watching the video, the struggles and the little successes was a fantastic learning experience for me as an instructor. Watching the players as the “fly on the wall” through the GoPro gave a completely different view compared to what you have when you are instructing them. Left to work on the skills on their own, they came up with innovative ways to solve the problems that were unique to them.

One young man, stopped and started the same section of a challenge over a dozen times until he could do it without error. That itself is amazing, but once he completed the challenge where the skills were mixed he went right back and did it all again, this time his gritted teeth and face of determination were replaced by a huge smile on his face.

This is a gift from player to instructor.

These players are absolutely, unquestionably, brilliant!

As is often the case when you are instructing young players, they teach you as much as you teach them. With some guidance and provided you are teaching in small groups these players can solve any problem. Thanks to the young men who were on the ice last night.

Remember, you can do anything.